back to work

Going back to work was hard. No one was ready for it- except my boss who said he was marking the days on his calendar. I plan to work from home one day a week for the first few months, but this doesn't work all that well. The transition is really hard on all of us, even with Mary and Sackett still here. No one is sleeping well, I am worried about money, Liz has a client that wants her to work, the babies are transitioning from sleeping during the day to sleeping more at night- everything is in this half focused light of not quite day and not quite night. Stormy and Rocko need so much attention non-stop. Nurse, change diaper, rock, sleep. I go from thinking: "if I could just get one solid hour of sleep" to "just 20 minutes"
to "five minutes, please, just five minutes" I don't know what we will do when Mary and Sackett leave. They are doing all the shopping, cooking, cleaning. We have a freezer full of food, but I have trouble imagining how we will even find the time to pull something out and heat it up.

stormy and rocko bathe

Who says our kids are too good for a bath? It's only been three weeks and their little umbilical stumps have dried up and fallen off. (I thought they might make a cool necklace, but decided against it) Well, they got a real bath tonight and seem to be none the worse for it. Might just have to make it a habit.

The party is almost over

My dad is leaving today. He gave his all and has been incredible. I think it has taken a toll on him, but I have not seen him happier.

what babies do; a list

1. eat
2. cry
3. poop
4. cry
5. sleep
6. cry

Repeat every two and a half hours. Just remember that the nursing, burping, changing, rocking back to sleep times two thing takes about an hour and a half if you are both really on it.

meet the spawn...

So far this blog has been more about Liz and Adam than Stormy and Rocko. That may well be that in the first few days of their lives, we were getting to know them and our own emotions seemed so large and unknown that it was easier to describe what was going on with us. Here are a few things you may want to know about the two cutest kids in Marin County:

1. I am pretty sure they were the first twins born in Marin County in 2008.
2. I know of no other twins who were carried full term and delivered vaginally.
3. They are the first Grand-kids on either side of our family.
4. They are definitely super-genius babies; hopefully they will inherit their mother's looks.
5. Stormy is an exercise addict and a speed junkie.
6. Rocko is contemplative and relaxed. He had blood drawn twice in two days without waking.

Here is what they look like now:

homecoming

I may not have told you that Liz and I live in one of the greatest places on earth. Power was finally restored to our neighborhood and we packed up again to move home. We were so happy to finally be in our own house and so lucky that our parents had cleaned and organized and made sure everything was in order for our return. My first morning back I took this picture of Tam to remind me how lucky I was and how much my life had changed for the better in the last few years.

OK, now it's for real...

So now we're home and we couldn't be more fortunate to have two extremely healthy babies (Rocko had a touch of jaundice in the beginning, and had to have supplemental feedings, which I did with a syringe- but he recovered quickly) Liz is healthy and looks great due to her swimming 2 miles several times a week until the day before she delivered. These babies have not had any trouble nursing, they sleep pretty well, weigh above average; all that stuff is great.

WE, on the other hand, are starting to come unglued. The adrenaline and euphoria has started to wear off. We haven't really slept in a week. I don't know how we'd be getting by if we didn't have the support of our parents. And they are leaving soon. Ross and Barbara were only supposed to be here for a week, and that is pretty much up. Dad has decided to stay, but my mom has a class to teach and can't extend her visit.

Mary and Sackett have a little longer but have been here a more than a month already and have to get back in a couple of weeks. Also, I will be going back to work soon. I decided that with all the help now it would be better to take time off when everyone has gone, since I only have a limited amount of time off. I cannot imagine going back. I can't imagine being away from my babies and Liz. This is what they look like now:

Mary has been furiously cooking and freezing meals for us. We interviewed a night nurse so we can try to get some sleep, but fired her after she come to our house with a cold and a gallon jug of orange juice and fell asleep on the job. We started with another nurse Claudia, who is great and confident and helpful. You can hear her breathing half way up the steps, which is a relief, because by the time she shows up at 10pm, we are so tired we can't see straight. Liz pumps enough for one feeding, but still has to get up for another one before morning. We are still so nervous that we don't get much sleep anyway. We hadn't really thought about a night nurse and only really thought we would use her a couple of times a week, but quickly realize we need her full time. Especially since I am starting back to work next week. Claudia is amazing and kind and really helps to establish the beginning of a schedule. We have a tough time with the realization that our entire savings for childcare was going to be wiped out in short order- on something we hadn't even budgeted for. Though it is particularly hard for me to accept help, we are grateful to have gotten financial assistance from family to allow us to continue with full time help.

What's in a name?

Liz and had a short list of names we were working with, but that list had a security clearance higher than any of our parents currently held. Before we left the hospital, we had filled out their birth certificate forms and given them names, thus sealing their fate forever. However, we were home now, at least our temporary home on top of the ridge above Manor in Fairfax, and the parental contingent was getting restless. So, during an impromptu ceremony with Mary, Sackett, Ross and Barbara holding each others hands and collective breath, we introduced them to:

Stormy Maxine Canning Smith and Rocko Sackett Canning Smith.

There was no immediate reaction from the assembled crowd. My Dad was the first to crack a pleased smile. I think it was going to take a while for our non-traditional choices to take hold. I think my mother was slightly relieved, having just read an article on baby names of the celebrities on the plane. Sackett was obviously happy. Mary was going to take some time to get used to our choices. We had wanted to have some reference to our lineage, yet neither Liz nor I being terribly traditional posed some inherent challenges. We knew that the names we had chosen could be problematic for some; Stormy and Rocko, however, couldn't have been more pleased.

Stormy, of course was never on any short list of any kind. But given the circumstances and her very assertive young personality, Liz liked the name immediately when I suggested it. (probably at least in part because we had not been able to agree on any of the other names we had each put forth) We had both been pretty sure of Rocko, which was a nod towards my grandfather's, father's and my name of Ross and the nicknames Roscoe and Rocky. Maxine is my paternal grandmother, who is their only living great grand parent. Sackett, being Liz' stepfather's name was sure to create some tension for Peter, Liz' father. We hoped he would understand that Sackett was an unusual name we both really liked, and we wanted to honor him for the supportive role he had played in both of our lives leading up to Rocko's birth. Thus far, the names have shown to be well matched to their personalities, and I think the grandparents initial misgivings are quickly melting away.

recovery

I have been told that the first step toward recovery is

recognizing that you have a problem. Once left alone in the recovery room with our new family, I immediately recognized that things were never going to be the same. While I wouldn't necessarily call our situation a problem, there were some immediate obstacles to over

come. Liz was fine after she had consumed a nut roll that I had packed specifically that purpose. Once sated, she was able to start feeding the family; myself excluded of course.

I had become immediately obsessed with the very real responsibility of providing for my family, which had instantly

doubled. We were to stay in the hospital for two days. While the storm was subsiding, the power was still out, and I was wondering where we might go once we left the hospital. My parents had flown in to Oakland and were stuck there until the bridge reopened. Liz' mom and Stepfather had been here since early December helping prepare and hoping along with me that for tax reasons these babies would be born in 2007. They had helped paint the nursery, set up cribs, and the day before we went to the hospital, spent $500 at Whole Foods stocking up on food to have on hand for the inevitable but elusive event. $500 of food that was now slowly decomposing in the refrigerator of our powerless house. I began to get really nervous when I learned that power was not expected to be restored in our neighborhood for a week due to the extensive damage from the storm. Meanwhile, my parents had finally been able to cross the bridge and came to visit us at the hospital. Afterward, Ross and Barbara joined forces with Mary and Sackett and took on the task of assessing the damage at our house. They were able to salvage some of the food, clean the gutters and the steps of leaves and fallen branches, determine that the tree that had fallen in our yard needed no immediate attention, and get things in a general state of order. They were not however, able to restore power. We had to leave the hospital despite my begging that they allow us to stay another day. We were not yet used to the dual feedings that happened every 2 hours. We were certainly not prepared to be doing them on our own. In a hotel room. Ultimately, the decision is made that Mary and Sackett will stay in a hotel and we will take the babies to the apartment they had sublet which was in Fairfax and had power. Everyone pitched in to pack up and move. All of our nursery essentials had to be taken to the apartment and Mary and Sackett had to pack up and move to the San Anselmo Inn.

We said goodbye to everyone at Marin General including our super-nurse, who posed with us and Stormy and Rocko before we left. We packed them up and went off into the world of parenting. Forever.

the storm hits...

2am, January 4th. Liz' water breaks as the storm intensifies; we leave the house just before a tree falls across our street. Once we arrive at the hospital, the nurse on duty is more nervous than Liz, and takes four tries to get the IV in, despite Liz' quite impressive vascularity (particularly for a mesomorph) additionally, the Doctor on call has obviously never seen a woman's anatomy before. But after the shift change, we get the best OB nurse on the planet, and learn that our Doctor, who had arrived to perform a scheduled C-section on another patient will be able to deliver our twins instead, as elective surgery is not allowed when the hospital is on generator power. Oh, did I mention that? All power in the Bay area is out as well as all major bridges being closed due to 70+mph winds. After Liz gets an incredible epidural from some 20 year old cowboy of a anesthesiologist, she goes to sleep and I go down to the cafe to get some food and make a few calls. When I return, everyone is in scrubs and I am handed a set- Liz has gone from 4 to 10 centimeters while she slept and we are ready to go to the surgery suite. Dr. Galland, our OBGyn, is one of the few doctors who will deliver twins vaginally, we are extremely pleased that his other surgery was cancelled and that the storm kept him from getting his haircut. He is joined by Dr. Branco, our pediatrician who has twins of his own and is also there by chance. Along with our doula, there were about 12 other attendants in the surgery suite, which is where multiples are delivered due to the propensity for complications. Dr Galland immediately set the tone by telling everyone to take their places. Less than five minutes later, Stormy came out on the first set of contractions.

Rocko and his enormous head arrived 45 minutes later. After cutting their cords and handing the new babies to Liz, I was feeling pretty good about how the day was going so far.